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Positive Discipline
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Parenting Young Children
Communication and Positive Discipline
with School-Age Children
13 one-hour videos
Topics
1. The Joys and Challenges of School-Age Children
2. Values We Want to Teach School-Age Children
3. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
4. Dealing with Our Feelings as Parents and Teachers
5. Dealing with Feelings: Putting it all Together
6. Engaging Cooperation, Part 1
7. Engaging Cooperation, Part 2 – Putting it all together
8. Alternatives to Punishment, Part 1
9. Alternatives to Punishment, Part 2 – Putting it all together
10. Encouraging Autonomy
11. Moving Children from Conflict to Cooperation
12. Exclusionary Play – How We Can Help
13. Putting It All Together
Topic descriptions
Class #1
The Joys and Challenges of School-Age Children:
What do we know about school-age children? What do school-age children like to do? Why do school-age children test their parents? What strategies have we developed to respond to the challenging behavior of school-age children?
In this first class we begin to explore some of the behaviors of school-age children; their accomplishments, as well as their struggles. We discuss the creative, social, athletic, moral, interpersonal development of children, using the examples from the parents and teachers in the class, and we explore numerous strategies to help our school-age children grow into competent adults. (Top)
Class #2
Values We Want to Teach School-Age Children:
Every interaction we have with our children is an opportunity to teach and in every interaction with us, children learn something. What are our children learning from us? What are the values we want our children to learn in our families and how do we teach those values?
Children learn not only through our interactions with them, but also the interactions they see us having in other relationships, through experiences we provide them, and through conversations with and questions we ask of them. This class offers and opportunity to reflect on the values we want to teach and to think about the most effective ways to teach them. (Top)
Class #3
Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings:
In the school-age years children become deeply aware of their feelings and clearly start trying to manage them in socially appropriate ways. The tasks for school-age children are: Learning to predict and name feelings in themselves and others; learning to manage feelings; learning appropriate ways to express feelings; learning who is responsible for feelings; and learning ways to respond to other people’s feelings.
Using techniques such as: Listening with full attention; acknowledging children’s feelings with a word; giving their feelings a name; and giving them their wishes in fantasy, we practice ways to support our children’ healthy emotional development and literacy. (Top)
Class #4
Dealing with Our Feelings as Parents and Teachers:
How we deal with our own feelings as parents and teachers is influenced by what we learned about feelings in our own families when we were children. What feelings we are comfortable with and what feelings we are uncomfortable will affect how our own children learn to deal with their own feelings.
In this class we think about how we can continue to grow in our understanding of how to manage and express our own feelings, as well as how we can teach children about appropriate expression of their feelings. We also look at what kinds of support helps us with our feelings and what kinds of support we want to give our children with their feelings? (Top)
Class #5
Dealing with Feelings: Putting it all Together:
In this class we look at the many situations in which children might have challenging feelings. We learn and practice ways to really listen to, support and help children move through their feelings. We also identify some “non-listening” responses and explore what happens when we don’t support children with their feelings. (Top)
Class #6
Engaging Cooperation - Part 1:
Most parents want their children to be cooperative. All parents hold certain expectations of children, depending on their child’s age. What are our expectations of children? Why do we hold these expectations? What is it we want our children to learn about responsibility, about being a participating member of a family or group?
In this class we look at these questions using real examples from families. We look at the unsuccessful strategies we sometimes find ourselves using and we explore successful strategies for encouraging children’s cooperation. (Top)
Class #7
Engaging Cooperation - Part 2:
Looking at engaging children’s cooperation in challenging situations, how can we use the strategies we have discussed? Successful strategies include: Giving information, saying it with one word, talking about your feelings, writing a note and thinking about the tone we use with children. Using role-play, we practice both successful and unsuccessful strategies in real situations parents have faced with their children. (Top)
Class #8
Alternatives to Punishment - Part 1:
Does punishment have a role in positive discipline with children? Can we effectively discipline our children without punishment? What motivates parents to punish their children? What do we believe is the purpose of punishment?
How do children feel and what do they learn through punishment?
How do we feel when we have punished our children? What are the problems with punishment?
Examining and discussing these questions helps us to reflect on and understand what and how we want to teach our children in those challenging moments when they are testing. We explore alternatives to punishment that give children clear messages about what we expect, allow them to experience their consequences and still maintain a sense of respect. (Top)
Class #9
Alternatives to Punishment - Part 2 – Putting it all Together:
Putting the alternative to punishment in practice in real-life situations. Using examples from real situations, we practice and apply the alternatives to punishment which include acknowledging child’s and adults feelings, giving the child a chance to make amends, stating your expectations, giving a choice, taking action, allowing child to experience the consequences of his misbehavior, brainstorming together to find mutually agreeable solutions. (Top)
Class #10
Encouraging Autonomy:
What kinds of autonomy can we expect from children at certain ages? What kinds of independence are appropriate? When can children walk to their friend’s house by themselves? Ride their bike to the store? Stay at home by themselves for an hour? Most parents feel the ambivalence of wanting children to be independent and simultaneously mourning the loss of their earlier dependence. What are all the kinds of ways adults can support children’s appropriate autonomy at various ages?
We’ll discuss letting children make choices, showing respect for a child’s struggle, avoiding asking too many questions, or rushing to answer questions, encouraging children to use sources outside the home and avoiding taking away hope. (Top)
Class #11
Moving Children from Conflict to Cooperation:
What is the adult’s role in helping two children in conflict? What do children stand to learn through moving conflicts to cooperation?
Conflicts provide rich opportunities for learning about effective communication, listening, problem-solving, negotiating, compromising, compassion and friendship. We will explore the skills adults can offer to help children with this rich learning, including: Active listening, “sportscasting,” reframing, providing information, redirection and positive limit setting, helping to define the problem, and finding a mutual solution. (Top)
Class #12
Exclusionary Play – How We Can Help:
Exclusionary play happens regularly among children for a variety of reasons including: Fear; exploration of the concept of friendship; and exploration of the concepts of power and teamwork.
If we can understand the reasons children feel the need to exclude others, we can develop skills to help them build more cooperative, inclusive play strategies. (Top)
Class #13
Putting It All Together:
In this last class parents bring issues to discuss, including looking at the pros and cons of both acknowledgement and praise and their effects on children; dealing with differing values and beliefs among family friends and children’s friends; communication in couples who have differing parenting styles; and helping siblings with their disagreements. (Top)
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